You can't stop thinking about your spouse and the affair partner--what they did, places they met, what words were exchanged....oh and the visuals can be excruciatingly painful when you think about them. You question your relationship and also yourself for not seeing it coming. It overruns your waking moments! Ruminating about the details of your spouse's affair is a normal reaction post-disclosure or discovery. Those obsessive thoughts about where, when, how, and why seem

Anyone experiencing the disclosure of their spouse's affair knows that it is like experiencing the sudden death of a loved one. It's surreal and hard to adjust to the reality of the loss--the loss of what you "thought" your relationship once was. Emotions vacillate between anger at the "other" person, anger towards the spouse who had the affair and anger at yourself for not seeing it coming. Questions like, "How did this happen?" "How could you do this to me/us?" "How will we