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Fighting over the "dumbest" things!
- Kimberly McNary, LMFT
- Aug 23, 2017
- 2 min read
Updated: May 8, 2023
Do you ever feel like you and your partner fight over the "dumbest" things? It starts with "honey, I'm so tired of your shoes at the bottom of the stairs...why can't you bring them up when you take them off?" Your partner responds with "why? I'm just going to wear them again when I come back down!"
Boxing gloves ensue...you're off and running...or should I say..."fighting."
Sometimes the fight becomes so far from the original content that you can't even remember what originally started it. For some, it's days without talking, for others it yelling until someone walks out and slams the door. Or anywhere in between.
It can be exhausting.
Let me just tell you...it's not about the shoes. Or whatever you originally were fighting about. It's all about the underneath feelings and thoughts like "I feel alone" or "I don't feel respected" or "does this even matter to you?"
It's about our attachment bond with our significant other feeling threatened. We then activate strategies (which can look like withdrawing or criticizing, for instance) to protest that threatened bond.
Therapy is a great way to unpack and sort out this negative pattern that happens over and over, despite talking about it, avoiding it, and everything in between. Every couple has a negative pattern.
I teach a Hold Me Tight® workshop twice a year with Kathryn de Bruin, LMFT, that does this unpacking, figuring out your negative pattern, and the conversations needed to repair after these "dumb" fights ALL IN ONE WEEKEND. Two days. That's it. While healthy couples argue, this workshop will help you will walk out with a deeper understanding of your conflict AND how to resolve it the next time it pops up and rears it's ugly head and threatens your bond!
When: September 30-October 1, 2017 9-4:30 pm
Where: San Diego, CA (location in registration link below)
Early bird pricing ends September 1, 2017!
Registration and payment, click here.
Kimberly (formerly Sandstrom) McNary, LMFT is a couple's therapist using Emotionally Focused Therapy and a Relationship Educator in San Diego, CA. www.kimberlymcnary.com
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